New Year, New Me?

Hello all, long time no see.

In the spirit of New Year’s resolutions, I thought I might as well jump on the bandwagon. It seems that the bandwagon must be in fact, on fire due to how willing I am to jump off of it, but we do the best that we can.

How did you spend your New Year’s Eve? Now don’t be too jealous, but I spent New Year’s Eve watching an entire season of Great British Bakeshow with my Dad. The clincher was really the fact that we had NO FOOD and with each unveiling of those succulent morsels, I slipped farther and farther into a spiral of bake show-induced depression.

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Your squad could never…

Now that I’ve had a few days to think about all the things I wish to radically expel from my personality and physical appearance, here is my coveted list that I’m sure I’ll get around to next year. Btw I plan on achieving both mental and physical perfection by drinking at least one glass of water per day and it’s a sure-fire plan.

New Year’s Resolutions- By Me, to Me:

Water

  1. Please for the love of God drink some water! I mean Jesus Christ, it’s debatable if you’re even alive! Humans need water to live, to thrive and goddammit you go days on only coffee! Get your act together! All the real models drink approximately eight gallons of water a day and just look at them! The proof is in the pudding and their incredible skin and shocking good looks/ perfect bodies can all be traced back to RADICAL WATER CONSUMPTION! You’re fooling yourself if you think any of that is attributed to their genetics.

Two great books:

The True Power of Water by Masaru Emoto

Your Body’s Many Cries For Water by F.Batmanghelidi, M.D.

 

Agua, H2O. Hydrate or diedrate.

Exercise

2. Exercise ya lazy sow! Now, we can’t be too hard on ourselves because yes, we do go on 4 mile walks almost every day but you and I both know your holiday break is over. Restorative yoga DOES NOT count! Savannah, it’s literally just an hour of sleep. Get it together, we do not want to have issues getting up the stairs at the age of 75.

 

Yes, I know, I know. My muscles intimidate you.

Meditate

3. Meditate at least three times a week. It’s not that hard! All you have to do is spend 15 minutes doing nothing. You do that anyway, at least be mindful about it! I swear you meditate for a week, feel great and for some reason, you just stop. Why? Please let me know, your inner voice is so confused.

 

Here, I have reached full enlightenment. Meditation equals enlightenment equals thumbs up. Theta waves only, bitch.

Speak with Consciousness 

4. Perhaps stop speaking with the two most foul and unintelligent words you could possibly use to express yourself. “Like” and “literally” make you sound as if you have only two active brain cells, and one of them seems to have left for vacation and has shown no signs of coming back. From this moment on I shall only speaketh through verbal dictation that demonstrates the unmeasurable capacity that my intellectual prowess can bequeath on the mass populous. Good day.

 

Whomst is that over yonder? Shall I dazzle them with my keen intellect?

 

Blog

5. Maybe actually use your blog? Just a thought. Can you possibly stick to something for once in your life? It’s there, you pay for it and you even have thoughts sometimes! As a young woman in the 21st century, are you even alive if you’re not expressing and documenting your every waking thought and movement on every social media platform imaginable? The answer is no, you’re not.

 

Who, me? Yes, you’re right I am blogging. Here, I am also thinking a thought. Haha, it’s so funny!

Live Confidently 

6. Last, but certainly not least, please stop living in fear! What are you afraid of? I checked under the bed AND in the closet, there’s nothing there! Go young one, pursue your dreams! You have nothing to fear, positive outlook brings a positive outcome. It’s simple science!

 

Looking under the bed…yep, all clear! Plus, angel affirmation.

 

Leave me a comment and let me know if you have any New Year’s Resolutions. I would love to hear them!

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All the best,

Savannah

Things to Take the Edge Off​: No, It’s Not​ What You’re Thinking

 

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Great joke, matcha!

This year has been one of the most difficult, but growth-filled of my life. For reference, this is supposed to be my “golden year”, filled with glory and triumph. Eighteen on the eighteenth. For others who haven’t had their golden year yet, you might want to trash the whole idea. Just a thought. I’m not bitter or anything like that, where’d you get that notion? Maybe it’s my fault for having my golden year also happen to be the age where poor children everywhere become a victim of adulthood. Now that I’m legal I would like to start a petition to make the age of adulthood 21, sign below. If I can’t be trusted to hold my liquor responsibly, how in the hell am I supposed to pay my taxes, or *gasp* dare I say, support myself??? Horrific. Anyways, just a thought. Since I’m so surprised that I made it this far, I thought about some possible reasons for why. Below are the reasons why I haven’t thrown myself away in the trash, were talking landfill here folks, like I want to end up as a plastic bottle in the next life.

This video is literally what keeps me going, I have to watch it at least once a day. It’s basically a prescription drug at this point. Please watch, you will NOT be disappointed:

 

Coffee: Through serious thought and about a month of straight meditation without food or drink (not by choice), I have become enlightened. When I came out of my state of comatose, I realized I had only learned one thing: The meaning of life is coffee. Basically, if you don’t drink coffee, It’s not looking too good for you. Getting away from campus and going to one of my favorite coffee shops, French Press or Caje is the single most reason I haven’t dropped out of school and joined a gang. A simple sip of an iced vanilla latte changes my aura from a foul black to a brilliant, purified white. Though it regularly gives me total anxiety, the repercussions are worth it.

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My favorite cappuccino via French Press ❤

 

Amazon: If I didn’t allow myself to buy one thing a month from Amazon, I’m over 100% positive that I would have been admitted to a high-security psych ward long ago. I’m obsessed with skincare, so usually, I spend my days browsing through a never-ending array of French skincare I otherwise wouldn’t have had access to. I try not to think of the price markups though, would definitely send me spiraling. Might I suggest Bioderma Micellar Water or Embryolisse Concentrated Cream. I have seriously never worked with a makeup artist on set that didn’t have these in their kit, they’re totally amazing. 12/10 rating from yours, truly. Even if you have the most sensitive baby skin that’s allergic to the thought of change, these will still work for you.

Meditation: I’ve touched base on this before, but this helps clear my mind and get me out of a negative mood every single time. Hasn’t failed once. I’m not going to pretend like I meditate every single day, because as much as I wish I did, I don’t. I try really hard to but to be honest, sometimes it still feels like a chore even though it completely changes my day for the better. I’ve been LOVING Oprah and Deepak Chopra’s 21-day Abundance Meditation Challenge. I really admire both of them, and I find Deepak’s voice to be incredibly soothing. It’s also helped to keep me accountable because I feel obligated to finish the challenge all the way through without stopping and picking up again the next day. I think this may be because I’m SO competitive and I can’t help but think that when I finish the 21st day I’ll open my eyes and be sitting in my mansion. Wishful thinking you say? That’s right! Just what I’m supposed to be doing, try again next time sweetie!

 

Yoga: This one has a backstory so take the tissues out, it’s a real tear-jerker. In one of my previous posts, I mentioned yoga, and that I was going to CorePower. While I’m still a huge fan, your girl DOES NOT have the coins for that!!! After my first month that was already super expensive even with my student discount, I couldn’t justify spending my nonexistent coinz on another month. It was going to be around $180 bucks and I was like,”Oh sweetie, what a hilarious joke!” when I was told the price. Though it was a tragic realization, my rational side (that doesn’t come out often) eventually won me over resulting in CorePower and I’s breakup. Sadly, I couldn’t say “It’s me, not you” because it was you, CorePower. It really was. Things just weren’t working anymore, and I’m sorry, I had to do what’s best for me. Also, in the time that I was practicing yoga, I think I totally injured my back and pulled a muscle. It could be sleeping on the rock that is my dorm bed for a year, but I guess we’ll never know. Anyways, now that we’ve bonded over my breakup, I’ll tell you what I’m doing now. 30 Days of Yoga with Adriene on youtube! Girl, you ain’t even gotta leave your own house anymore! Wow, I love technology. Adriene is incredible and It’s been so nice to pull up one of her videos at the end of the day and go through the motions. Even better, no one is pressuring you to go farther than you want! Just listen to your body. But warning, when I listen to my body it says things like, “You don’t exercise enough! Damn bitch, why don’t you ever feed me some fruit? Would it kill you to buy some vegetables?” The feedback is brutal, currently looking for a therapist to compensate for the emotional damage I’ve endured after that one.

 

Journal Writing: When you’re as desperate as I am, you bet your bottom dollar I’m going to try anything I can to manifest abundance into my life. Three words: The Law of Attraction, boys. I genuinely hate writing in a diary, so this is not that for me. A book of things I wouldn’t even tell my friends (which honestly nothing ever happens that’s worth hiding lmao), sounds like trouble to me. My diary would be too boring anyways. “Dear diary, today I went to class and nothing happened. After that, I came home and ate a waffle for the millionth time, was out of jam so the only thing I had to put on it was my own tears. Salty. I should really clean up, also I’m out of paper towels. Going to sleep early tonight, too bored to keep my eyes open. Talk tomorrow, xoxo!” What I actually do is write down all the things I want, but write about them like they already happened. For example, “I’m so happy I always have more money coming in than going out”, or “I had the most incredible time on set with..”, *insert dream photographer here.* At first, I feel really dumb, but by the end of it I can’t help but be excited about the possibility of a realty like that. The only downside is if anyone reads it and doesn’t know what I’m doing, they’ll have reason to believe I’m either schizophrenic or a pathological liar.

 

I hope everyone reading either finds or has already found things that make them happy and help them get through their week. The best is yet to come.

Keep it real,

Savannah

Juice Cleanses: If you Make it Out ​Alive, you’re Clearly Related to Hercules

I thought I was strong, but gradually an evil pizza-demanding fiend appeared and no one was safe. I should have known.

Wow, here we are, folks. If you’ve ever thought about doing a juice cleanse, or are interested in a harrowing tale filled with hope, pain, and rebirth then strap on in. If it’s anything like my juice cleanse experience, the ride will be less than pleasant.

Part One: Visions of Renewal Fuelled with Delusion:

Let’s set the scene: a tired, dull and increasingly flabby individual is staring herself down in the mirror. “How sad”, she thinks. “Is this what I look like? Tragic.” Reality strikes, people! And when it does, it’s best to be as far away from a mirror as possible. I’ve always wanted to do a juice cleanse, and being the delusional optimist that I am, this was not only the perfect time to do it but it would also completely transform me into the young Claudia Schiffer I know lies within. She’s just resting right now! I knew God supported my decision when I went on to Pressed Juicery’s website and saw that they were having a promotional deal. Like any rational person, I shrieked and rallied the troops. Juice cleanses are better with friends so you can share your mutual pain and suffering. Juice cleansing is a team sport, simply facts, people. I skipped all the way to the Pressed store and with each skip, I felt more and more like Gwenyth Paltrow. I bought my juices, holding one in my hands proudly and delivered an Oscar-winning speech, thanking the workers for their part in my rebirth. The Gwenyth inside told me to. The workers were both honored and touched, but I’m sure this type of thing happens every day. Fools scampering in, ready for a new life. The workers urging them on, only to laugh menacingly once they leave the store. If only they knew the horrors that lie ahead, suckers.

Part 2: It Begins

I’m home now, and I can’t wait to start the cleanse. So much so, that when I fall asleep I dream that I’m on Oprah speaking about all my success. What do I credit all my fame and glory to? The juice cleanse. It’s obvious that the stakes have been set waayyyyy too high. The comedown will be brutal. As they say, what goes up must come down! I go to my fridge and look at all my pretty little juices that I payed way too much for and read each label happily, only wincing after reading “roots  2.” MMMM roots, my favorite…. The first juice wasn’t bad at all, quite pleasant actually. What could be better than juice for breakfast? “Literally nothing”, I told myself. Each juice was to be had at two-hour intervals between its other juice brothers and sisters. I was living it up until I hit juice three. We don’t like to speak about juice three, because that’s when my optimism flew straight out the window and the horrific and painful reality of what it means to only drink juice all day set in. It was sour, my stomach was churning, I felt nauseous, various segments of my life all involving sweet sweet food came to mind with every sip. The horror, the sheer audacity of it all. I still had three more to go?!? With my last sip of juice three, I realized that If I wasn’t dead by the end of this, I had superpowers that entailed incredible juice drinking abilities.

As the day went on, various demons within reared their ugly heads. The food devil was so strong that I was halfway down the street on the way to get a burger until the fog lifted around me and I had to state my name, date of birth and address in order to remember who I was and why I was in the middle of nowhere. My roommate came in with Hot Cheetos and I had to instruct her to restrain me so I didn’t assault her for them. Thankfully no one was harmed during the entirety of the cleanse, at least that I can remember. I think I blacked out at some point. By the end of the day, I had successfully finished all six juices but felt so nauseous that I imagined my stomach was a concert arena, and there was definitely a heavy metal band playing, and there was definitly a mosh pit. I went to bed at 7 and prayed for the day from hell to end.

 

 

Part 3: The Aftermath. Claudia Schiffer, Is that you?

Thank God I woke up the next day. That was a close one. Could have easily withered away in my sleep. I got out of bed and looked in the mirror. Unfortunately, it was still just me, but hot damn I looked skinny! “Hmmm maybe it was worth it”’ I thought. LMAO, JUST KIDDING! As soon as I sniffed my breakfast, my stomach immediately blopped out over my jeans and I shed a single tear. As far as energy went, I was a walking zombie, so the usual. Nothing new there. Maybe my skin was clearer than usual the next few days? But that’s a huge maybe. I could have easily fabricated that in my head just to make myself feel better. I felt the same as I usually would in the next coming week, not bad but certainly not as thrilled as Billy Mays once was selling Oxy Clean. (That was my goal.) Moral of the story, the only thing I really gained from doing this cleanse was the ability to say I made it through a juice cleanse without cheating and prove my questionable willpower to myself. Thank God I didn’t pick the experienced cleanse over the basic cleanse. The endorphins get going and I simply can’t be trusted to make rational decisions. I just get way too excited. Oh, I also learned I’m not a sadist because of my choice to do the basic cleanse, so that’s pretty great. One more fun fact to tell people at parties. “Hey Tommy, did you know that I’m not a sadist? You too? Cool! We should totally hang out sometime!”

About two months after I did the cleanse I went to Pressed for ice cream, you obviously won’t be seeing me there for anything else ever again. Me being the lonely, social interaction lacking person I am, I tried to strike up a convo with one of the people working there and asked if they’d ever done a cleanse. When they replied yes, I couldn’t wait to relate our struggles. Cleanse buddies!! Instead, they went on to say that they had done a week-long cleanse and thought that it was easy. I was horrified, disgusted, to say the least. You foul human, you. Who are you? What are you?  After, one of the most fabulous, “I’m very obviously incredibly wealthy” women walked over to me while my mouth was still agape trying to process what I had just heard and said, “Those cleanses are hell, I almost died on a One Day.” Needless to say, my faith in humanity was immediately restored. If this moment was a bell curve, the superhuman freak behind the Pressed counter would be way outside of me and my new rich best friend’s cool kid curve. So take that. Also, I realized that because of this, I had more in common with the skinny, glowing, fabulously wealthy and thankfully honest lady than I could have ever imagined. If I had to do a soul-sucking cleanse to realize this, then It was all worth it in the end.

Keep it real,

Savannah

The Law of Attraction: The Universe is Your Genie​, it’s Time to Rub the Lamp!

Since I’ve been pretty good at keeping up with my resolutions, toot toot (my own horn, obviously), I felt that it would be appropriate to follow up on my last post with a more in-depth look at The Law of Attraction, and how it’s been working for me. Thank God might I add, we all know how impatient I am. Like so impatient that if I put a hash brown in the toaster and it pops up cold, I’ll obviously still eat it. Anyways, you get the gist.

I’d like to start with one of my favorite experiences I’ve had practicing The Law of Attraction. I grew up with my mom talking about spirituality, meditation, and all that jazz my whole life. I always thought that it was cool that she had something that made her feel grounded, but as far as I was concerned if meditation meant sitting still with my eyes closed and dare I say try to be calm, in homage to American Idol legend Randy Jackson, it was a big “It’s a no from me dawg”. Thankfully nothing was ever pushed down my throat, and eventually, after 18 years I’ve come around and found things for myself. But don’t worry, my mom makes sure to remind me who the original cool chick was and is. Mom, I leave you with all the street cred.

If I’m being honest I wasn’t interested in the Law of Attraction until I was in a situation where I felt like I needed a miracle. Two words, chemistry midterm. Sweetie needed a damn miracle because after doing my own research, I realized that I was about to be finessed. You have to finesse life, not the other way around!!! So doing what any rational person would do, I threw my study materials to the ground and yelled: “IT’S ATTRACTION TIME BITCH”. Looking back, I regret this poor word choice. Universe, you are not a bitch, you’re pretty flippin cool. My sincerest of apologies.

I wrote down exactly what I wanted to happen. I said among a variety of other wishful statements that I wanted to get an A on this exam. I went along with my day and was careful to monitor the negative out of my thoughts. Realizing how negative you can be at times is eye-opening. Realizing, reflecting and moving forward is one of the most important and rewarding parts. At the end of the night, I listened to a sleep manifestation meditation and since I’m dedicated to having only the best, I read the comment section first to make sure that each and every person who listened turned into Bill Gates. After reading a few “I won a raffle” comments, I was satisfied and prepared to wake up glowing and covered in hundred dollar bills. Although I thought “Damn, I don’t even have anything to win”, I relaxed and eventually fell asleep.

The next day I took the test and was unsure of how I felt about it. I checked my phone to see if I had missed anything, and lo and behold there was a missed call and voicemail from an unknown number. Because I am wary of predators (I have both pepper spray and a cat keyring that’s basically a shank on my lanyard), my first response was “damn what weirdo called?” Instead, it was a call from my local mall saying that I had won ice skating tickets from a raffle I forgot I had even entered that past week. I freaked out and made it my mission to tell everyone within a 10-mile radius that they were in fact in the presence of a winner. I told a few squirrels too, but I don’t think they were that impressed. I went on thinking how amazing that call was, but was still worried about the outcome of my chemistry test. Later in the day, I got an email that the results were out and my heart dropped to my chest. I mustered up the courage to check my grade and I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. I had gotten a 90% when across hundreds of other students, the average was a 42%. I basically peed myself, by basically I mean I peed myself. From that moment on, I was hooked.

Things I Recommend and Things to Keep in Mind:

  • “The Secret” is an awesome movie if you’re looking to learn more and get into the right mindset. It’s at times unbearably hokey, but like everything in life, pay attention to the things that resonate with you.
  • I’m a big fan of gratitude rocks. I found a stone glowing on the shore the last walk I had at the beach and had to pick it up. I keep it in my pocket and when I touch it, I make sure to think about something I’m grateful for. I even bring it to yoga!
  • Think of the universe as a giant genie with unlimited wishes. With each thought, the universe responds with “your wish is my command”. If you expect something to be bad, it will be, but if you expect it to be good it will be. The universe is constantly affirming what you put out.
  • Write down exactly what you want as if you already have it, and visualize what it would feel like to truly have these things in your possession. I like to start my lists by writing, “I am so happy and grateful now that…”
  • Most importantly, take everything with a grain of salt. I’m no spiritual guru (yet), so find things in your own time, and in your own way. If you get anything out of this, I hope it’s that just being positive and focusing on the good in your life will bring more good. Why focus on what’s wrong when you could focus on what’s right.

 

Here is the famed sleep manifestation meditation:

I hope you win a raffle! 😉

 

Keep it real,

Savannah