New Year, New Me?

Hello all, long time no see.

In the spirit of New Year’s resolutions, I thought I might as well jump on the bandwagon. It seems that the bandwagon must be in fact, on fire due to how willing I am to jump off of it, but we do the best that we can.

How did you spend your New Year’s Eve? Now don’t be too jealous, but I spent New Year’s Eve watching an entire season of Great British Bakeshow with my Dad. The clincher was really the fact that we had NO FOOD and with each unveiling of those succulent morsels, I slipped farther and farther into a spiral of bake show-induced depression.

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Your squad could never…

Now that I’ve had a few days to think about all the things I wish to radically expel from my personality and physical appearance, here is my coveted list that I’m sure I’ll get around to next year. Btw I plan on achieving both mental and physical perfection by drinking at least one glass of water per day and it’s a sure-fire plan.

New Year’s Resolutions- By Me, to Me:

Water

  1. Please for the love of God drink some water! I mean Jesus Christ, it’s debatable if you’re even alive! Humans need water to live, to thrive and goddammit you go days on only coffee! Get your act together! All the real models drink approximately eight gallons of water a day and just look at them! The proof is in the pudding and their incredible skin and shocking good looks/ perfect bodies can all be traced back to RADICAL WATER CONSUMPTION! You’re fooling yourself if you think any of that is attributed to their genetics.

Two great books:

The True Power of Water by Masaru Emoto

Your Body’s Many Cries For Water by F.Batmanghelidi, M.D.

 

Agua, H2O. Hydrate or diedrate.

Exercise

2. Exercise ya lazy sow! Now, we can’t be too hard on ourselves because yes, we do go on 4 mile walks almost every day but you and I both know your holiday break is over. Restorative yoga DOES NOT count! Savannah, it’s literally just an hour of sleep. Get it together, we do not want to have issues getting up the stairs at the age of 75.

 

Yes, I know, I know. My muscles intimidate you.

Meditate

3. Meditate at least three times a week. It’s not that hard! All you have to do is spend 15 minutes doing nothing. You do that anyway, at least be mindful about it! I swear you meditate for a week, feel great and for some reason, you just stop. Why? Please let me know, your inner voice is so confused.

 

Here, I have reached full enlightenment. Meditation equals enlightenment equals thumbs up. Theta waves only, bitch.

Speak with Consciousness 

4. Perhaps stop speaking with the two most foul and unintelligent words you could possibly use to express yourself. “Like” and “literally” make you sound as if you have only two active brain cells, and one of them seems to have left for vacation and has shown no signs of coming back. From this moment on I shall only speaketh through verbal dictation that demonstrates the unmeasurable capacity that my intellectual prowess can bequeath on the mass populous. Good day.

 

Whomst is that over yonder? Shall I dazzle them with my keen intellect?

 

Blog

5. Maybe actually use your blog? Just a thought. Can you possibly stick to something for once in your life? It’s there, you pay for it and you even have thoughts sometimes! As a young woman in the 21st century, are you even alive if you’re not expressing and documenting your every waking thought and movement on every social media platform imaginable? The answer is no, you’re not.

 

Who, me? Yes, you’re right I am blogging. Here, I am also thinking a thought. Haha, it’s so funny!

Live Confidently 

6. Last, but certainly not least, please stop living in fear! What are you afraid of? I checked under the bed AND in the closet, there’s nothing there! Go young one, pursue your dreams! You have nothing to fear, positive outlook brings a positive outcome. It’s simple science!

 

Looking under the bed…yep, all clear! Plus, angel affirmation.

 

Leave me a comment and let me know if you have any New Year’s Resolutions. I would love to hear them!

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All the best,

Savannah

Travel Essentials: Survive and Flourish

Oh, the joys of traveling. There’s nothing quite like a random woman stealing your neck rest mid-flight and refusing to give it back or a druggie overdosing next to you on the bus. Unfortunately, I’ve been through more travel horror stories than what I would expect a normal person to have. But, because I am always going to and from one place or another constantly dealing with minor travesties along the way, I now consider myself to be the Martha Stewart of packing. Just minus the money and jail sentence. That one I can live without, though apparently, she had a pretty sweet set up.

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Martha knows best!

Here’s a list of my top items, and below what my packing list looks like 🙂

Hand Sanitizer:

If you know me personally, you would know that I like to feel clean and germ-free. Unfortunately, though, I frequently find myself in germy situations, though I am unaware of this harsh reality at the time. To set the scene, on a trip to NY, I was so horrified by how overcrowded and microbe-infested the subway was, I got off at one of the sketchiest parts of the city and bought an economy-sized bottle of hand sanitizer. First of all, of course I would have preferred pocket size, but 7/11 had some limited options that day. Beggars can’t be choosers, friends. All I can say is yes I got laughed at toting around a 1 pound bottle of sanitizer but did I get sick during that trip? No, I certainly did not! Who’s laughing now? Another friendly tip, If you happen to come across someone carrying a 1 pound bottle of sanitizer and proceed to laugh at them but then ask for some moments later, take a minute to reconsider. Said person may not, in fact, be the Mother Teresa of the subway, and there’s a good chance that they will be unwilling to forgive and forget. I know a lot of people have mixed feeling about hand sanitizer but personally, it has become imperative to my survival. College will whack your immune system like a Piñata. I always use an organic sanitizer so I don’t feel so bad. Regardless of how you feel about sanitizer, I think it’s undeniable that life can hit you with one too many moments where you wished you had something to clean your hands with. Unless of course, you fear nothing. In that case, I wish you all the best!

Neck Rest:

If you’re flying, you simply need something to support the old noggin! I learned this the hard way, and I’ll never be making that mistake again. My neck looked like a question mark by the time I touched down. Funny enough, one time I actually forgot my neck rest and realized this halfway to the airport. I screamed “STOP, MY NECKREST!” and made my mom and 5-star chauffeur drive me all the way back home so I could snatch it up. 4 hours later I’m sitting as contently as someone who’s not in first-class could be with my beloved neck rest. “How wonderful life is with you, sweet neck-rest,” I thought. In that moment of bliss, a tragedy occurred. My neck rest became suicidal and fell from my seat to the lady in the back of me’s lap. I thought, “No worries, I’ll just say sorry and get it back.” HA! Absolutely false. Turns out I was sitting in front of satan’s redneck cousin, Jolene. If she hasn’t taken your man yet, she will take your neck rest. This sunburnt tomato of a woman in an American flag shirt and matching cap literally grabbed my neck rest and put it behind her head and refused to give it back until I forcefully stole it back at the end of the flight. This was a capital offense if you ask me, and I’m still speaking with my lawyers about this travesty. I’ll let you know when she’s convicted.

A Good Book (or Decoy):

There’s never a better time to settle in and read a good book than when you’re suspended in a tin can magically floating in the air with no wifi. Fun fact: Last time I was reading a book on the plane, it served as a fabulous conversation starter with the cutest guy ever who just so happened to be sitting next to me. (Shout out God! Better than the lady last time on her way to rehab going through withdrawals!) We were both pretending to be immersed in our books, and then eventually came clean that we weren’t interested in them at all and talked for the rest of the flight. Great for us, not for the lady in the back of us who told us to shut up. Ahem, very rude. Can’t you see I’m getting the most attention I’ve had in centuries?! Also, this was a morning flight. It was like 10am, so keep your comments to yourself lady, I was using my inside voice.

Chargers:

If you forget your chargers, you will die. These are simply the facts. Nothing more to say about that.

Headphones:

Nothing terrifies me more than not being able to listen to music in public. One of my worst nightmares. If I ever got stuck on over a 3-hour flight and had no tunes to dull the horrors around me I would probably lose what’s left of my mind. Please don’t be one of those people that think it’s ok to listen to stuff on blast without earbuds on a plane. Those people are an entirely different breed of human and I would love to see their ancestory.com results. They all have to be related to the same obnoxious person. Bevis? Perhaps, Butthead?

Notebook:

Any extended period of time where you have limited options for what you can do is a great time to write. I love to write down what I’m grateful for, any ideas that pop into my head (lmao, like I ever have ideas), and maybe a just a “how my day is going” entry if I’m feelin extra fancy. I always crack myself up because if I ever write a journal entry I’ll literally try to be funny knowing full well I’m the only one who’s ever going to read it. Then I’ll go back and read what I wrote days later and be like lmao, damn I’m good. It’s pretty sad, really. Almost seems like a scene from American Psycho.

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Me @ future me reading my own jokes

 

Savannah’s Travel Must-Haves

Carry on:

  • Hand Sanitizer: Two words, THE PLAGUE
  • Headphones: Simply a must unless you enjoy purgatory
  • Essential Oils: Great to put on your temples and wrists!
  • Notebook: If you have ideas write them down! If you don’t, write your self a good old joke. Knock knock? Who’s there? Yourself.
  • Sheet Masks: If people fear you, they are weak and you are both mentally and physically superior
  •  Lip Balm: Bitches get crusty real quick
  • Gum: Never be caught foul breathed! Or if your a dumb ass like me and forgot to buy snacks, you can use gum to not only fill the void but also give yourself the worst stomach ache ever
  • Rose Water Facial Spray: Thank me later
  • Charger: Forget them and face the consequences
  • Power Bank: You never know when your phone will decide to yeet its battery life away
  • Bioderma: It’s so nice to freshen up the old mug before landing
  • Eye Drops: Shit be dry, bitches be burnin
  • Ear Plugs: Crying babies materialize next to me frequently, always be prepared
  • Eye Mask: For blockin out the haters
  • Book: Read it up, flirt it up

Suitcase:

 

 

 

 

Things to Take the Edge Off​: No, It’s Not​ What You’re Thinking

 

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Great joke, matcha!

This year has been one of the most difficult, but growth-filled of my life. For reference, this is supposed to be my “golden year”, filled with glory and triumph. Eighteen on the eighteenth. For others who haven’t had their golden year yet, you might want to trash the whole idea. Just a thought. I’m not bitter or anything like that, where’d you get that notion? Maybe it’s my fault for having my golden year also happen to be the age where poor children everywhere become a victim of adulthood. Now that I’m legal I would like to start a petition to make the age of adulthood 21, sign below. If I can’t be trusted to hold my liquor responsibly, how in the hell am I supposed to pay my taxes, or *gasp* dare I say, support myself??? Horrific. Anyways, just a thought. Since I’m so surprised that I made it this far, I thought about some possible reasons for why. Below are the reasons why I haven’t thrown myself away in the trash, were talking landfill here folks, like I want to end up as a plastic bottle in the next life.

This video is literally what keeps me going, I have to watch it at least once a day. It’s basically a prescription drug at this point. Please watch, you will NOT be disappointed:

 

Coffee: Through serious thought and about a month of straight meditation without food or drink (not by choice), I have become enlightened. When I came out of my state of comatose, I realized I had only learned one thing: The meaning of life is coffee. Basically, if you don’t drink coffee, It’s not looking too good for you. Getting away from campus and going to one of my favorite coffee shops, French Press or Caje is the single most reason I haven’t dropped out of school and joined a gang. A simple sip of an iced vanilla latte changes my aura from a foul black to a brilliant, purified white. Though it regularly gives me total anxiety, the repercussions are worth it.

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My favorite cappuccino via French Press ❤

 

Amazon: If I didn’t allow myself to buy one thing a month from Amazon, I’m over 100% positive that I would have been admitted to a high-security psych ward long ago. I’m obsessed with skincare, so usually, I spend my days browsing through a never-ending array of French skincare I otherwise wouldn’t have had access to. I try not to think of the price markups though, would definitely send me spiraling. Might I suggest Bioderma Micellar Water or Embryolisse Concentrated Cream. I have seriously never worked with a makeup artist on set that didn’t have these in their kit, they’re totally amazing. 12/10 rating from yours, truly. Even if you have the most sensitive baby skin that’s allergic to the thought of change, these will still work for you.

Meditation: I’ve touched base on this before, but this helps clear my mind and get me out of a negative mood every single time. Hasn’t failed once. I’m not going to pretend like I meditate every single day, because as much as I wish I did, I don’t. I try really hard to but to be honest, sometimes it still feels like a chore even though it completely changes my day for the better. I’ve been LOVING Oprah and Deepak Chopra’s 21-day Abundance Meditation Challenge. I really admire both of them, and I find Deepak’s voice to be incredibly soothing. It’s also helped to keep me accountable because I feel obligated to finish the challenge all the way through without stopping and picking up again the next day. I think this may be because I’m SO competitive and I can’t help but think that when I finish the 21st day I’ll open my eyes and be sitting in my mansion. Wishful thinking you say? That’s right! Just what I’m supposed to be doing, try again next time sweetie!

 

Yoga: This one has a backstory so take the tissues out, it’s a real tear-jerker. In one of my previous posts, I mentioned yoga, and that I was going to CorePower. While I’m still a huge fan, your girl DOES NOT have the coins for that!!! After my first month that was already super expensive even with my student discount, I couldn’t justify spending my nonexistent coinz on another month. It was going to be around $180 bucks and I was like,”Oh sweetie, what a hilarious joke!” when I was told the price. Though it was a tragic realization, my rational side (that doesn’t come out often) eventually won me over resulting in CorePower and I’s breakup. Sadly, I couldn’t say “It’s me, not you” because it was you, CorePower. It really was. Things just weren’t working anymore, and I’m sorry, I had to do what’s best for me. Also, in the time that I was practicing yoga, I think I totally injured my back and pulled a muscle. It could be sleeping on the rock that is my dorm bed for a year, but I guess we’ll never know. Anyways, now that we’ve bonded over my breakup, I’ll tell you what I’m doing now. 30 Days of Yoga with Adriene on youtube! Girl, you ain’t even gotta leave your own house anymore! Wow, I love technology. Adriene is incredible and It’s been so nice to pull up one of her videos at the end of the day and go through the motions. Even better, no one is pressuring you to go farther than you want! Just listen to your body. But warning, when I listen to my body it says things like, “You don’t exercise enough! Damn bitch, why don’t you ever feed me some fruit? Would it kill you to buy some vegetables?” The feedback is brutal, currently looking for a therapist to compensate for the emotional damage I’ve endured after that one.

 

Journal Writing: When you’re as desperate as I am, you bet your bottom dollar I’m going to try anything I can to manifest abundance into my life. Three words: The Law of Attraction, boys. I genuinely hate writing in a diary, so this is not that for me. A book of things I wouldn’t even tell my friends (which honestly nothing ever happens that’s worth hiding lmao), sounds like trouble to me. My diary would be too boring anyways. “Dear diary, today I went to class and nothing happened. After that, I came home and ate a waffle for the millionth time, was out of jam so the only thing I had to put on it was my own tears. Salty. I should really clean up, also I’m out of paper towels. Going to sleep early tonight, too bored to keep my eyes open. Talk tomorrow, xoxo!” What I actually do is write down all the things I want, but write about them like they already happened. For example, “I’m so happy I always have more money coming in than going out”, or “I had the most incredible time on set with..”, *insert dream photographer here.* At first, I feel really dumb, but by the end of it I can’t help but be excited about the possibility of a realty like that. The only downside is if anyone reads it and doesn’t know what I’m doing, they’ll have reason to believe I’m either schizophrenic or a pathological liar.

 

I hope everyone reading either finds or has already found things that make them happy and help them get through their week. The best is yet to come.

Keep it real,

Savannah

Jewelry: Yes I Have a Problem, No I Won’t ​ Get Help

Jewelry is what keeps me going. I would put my need for bedazzlement second to, maybe oxygen. Not to be dramatic but when I forget to put on my favorite necklace, the heart tremors begin immediately. It may come as a shock to you based on my previous statements, but I once despised these magical body sprinkles. Yes, it’s true. My mom has always been into jewelry and has always tried to get me into it. Maybe because of this, I decided that jewelry was whack just because I wanted to stick it to the man. It’s only recently that I’ve gradually come to my senses. Pushing puberty aside, I realized I’ve been a damn fool. A damn fool! So many years wasted, I’ll refer to them as the Dark Ages. Also, I’m 100% turning into my mom. Like it’s crazy. Everything that I used to be like “Ew I hate that”, is now like, “Holy frick Mom, that’s so tight, can I borrow that (steal forever and claim as my own?)”  So I guess I’m a dirty poser! So be it, judge me all you want.

Wow, I love gold. It’s my metal of choice. So shine, so glow, so sparkle. I swear I must have been a gold miner in a past life and things must have not worked out for me then, so I’m making up for it now. Eureka! That’s what I say every time I buy or receive something gold. People are starting to get scared though, I mean fine, if my prospector outfit scares you I guess I’ll go. But it was either this or my Goldmember tracksuit. Your choice.

For reference, these are both pictures of me. Sorry, I forgot to shave in the first one :/

 

Without further ado, here are some of my favorites!

Necklaces:

Alighieri Leone Medallion

Oh man. I love this bad boy. I’m wearing it while I’m writing this, in case you doubted my pure and undying love. If you did, then jokes on you, you played yourself. At the time, I’d been searching for months to find the perfect every day, french girl-esque necklace that I could call my own. It had to be fabulous though, obviously. But also I’m poor so like… sweetie had to be under $250. I don’t know if you’ve happened to notice, but literally every enviable French girl has a circular, golden necklace. Is this a cool girl cult of some sort? If so, where do I apply? Yes, I know I’m underqualified, please let me live my life thanks. I’m a Leo, so the fact that this has a beautiful lion on the front really sold me. Though this necklace never flips, the back is beautiful as well so if in the event that an asteroid zooms by and a huge blast of wind flips your necklace around, there’s no need to panic. Pat down your hair and carry on because the back is equally as lovely as the front. I said lovely, was I just possed by the Queen? Damn, I wished she stayed longer, I think I’m back to normal. If you’re a high roller (lucky you, can’t relate), Alighieri offers this in solid gold, but you already know mines just plated and guess what I love it just the same! Overall, if girlfriend had the coins, I’d be spending mad dough over on their website because I love everything.

Gold Lion Charm

My little baby lion! What a cutie!! This was generously given to me by wonderful auntie Evita. Shout out, Evita! This was a major sacrifice because not only does she love gold, but she’s also a Leo. Best sign tbh, anyone willing to fight me on this can meet me at the playground around 4. I love to pair this with its big lion brother above. She got this at the Santa Cruz Antique Fair from “the charm lady.” Pretty sure that’s her legal name. I ripped the chain off of another necklace of mine that was being a major disappointment. It needed a rebirth, and for once I don’t regret one of my excitement-fuelled irrational outbursts. Since I doubt anyone will seek out the charm lady, I’ve linked a similar one above. That boi is only $3.50, get on dat!

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Moon and Star Necklace

Ah, my moon necklace. The only thing that eased the horrors of senior night. If you have a senior night, I would advise you to run, but like, if you have friends and like staying up for 24 hours straight then I guess go, this sounds like a great opportunity for you. I got this as a gift from my Mom and Dad. My Momma knows what’s up, let’s be real. She got this from Marshalls and let me tell you, do not, I repeat, DO NOT sleep on their gold section. Nine times out of ten, it be poppin. This was a special time in my life, and I wore this when I graduated high school. Little did I know I was about to be royally finessed the second I moved into my dorm, LMAO. (The one I linked above isn’t exact, but it’s pretty close)

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Silver and Gold Necklace

My silver and gold necklace! Everyone loves a good fusion, I know I do lol! This is awesome when I feel like wearing both silver and gold, not to mention it goes with my lion medallion perfectly. Got this sweetie as a gift from my fab auntie Mary Ann, love it! Such a great surprise and I’ve already gotten so many compliments on it. (Had a really difficult time finding something similar, but there are plenty of great options on Etsy)

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Gold Chains

MY GOLD CHAINZZZZ! It’s best to be prepared to start a rap career at any time. I put my name into a rap generator the other night (haven’t you?), and my rap name is “DEE JAY SV SQUEEZE”. And I mean obviously, I was not disappointed in the slightest bit. You too can generate your rap name just in case someone asks the next time you’ve got your chains on. It happens to me often, so I had to get hip. These guys are super delicate, so I have to treat them with respect. One time I said “damn necklace” and one of them broke. So proceed with caution. My Momma also got these for me. Honestly, I get pretty much everything from my Momma, and from Marshall’s yo. (Also not the same exact chains linked, but I tried.)
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Gold Heart Necklace

Last but bish these babies aren’t least, my gold heart necklaces! One is a locket that I just got this past weekend from an estate sale! I was so excited, and it hangs in the perfect place. Couldn’t wait to get home and polish it up. BTW, I think polishing jewelry is just as effective as meditation, somebody should get on that. Also, there’s a cute little old couple in there and I feel really bad about taking them out, but I really want to put a picture of my dog that recently passed in there. Lol, did you think I was going to put a picture of my boyfriend in there? Ha, don’t have one of those!! The second is an incredible gift my Momma gave me (surprise) when I got dropped off at college. It was the first gift my Dad ever gave my Mom, and it means so much to me. AND THAT BABY GOT A DIAMOND INSIDE!! Sorry 4 flexin!!

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Rings

Gold Wave Ring

I got my golden wave ring from a shop during my summer trip in Kauai. This was a “treat yo self” moment and I don’t regret it one bit. I’ve had this ring on my finger since last June and it’s become apart of me. I’ve got the tan line to prove it. I was doing a job for Carolina Herrera and I had forgotten to take it off. The woman that was sent out to represent Carolina Herrera came up to me, and I started screaming internally “YOU DUMMY, you’re about to get flamed for not taking that ring off! You’re blacklisted, done for”, but then she walked over to me and said, “Oh my god, I have the exact same ring, look! Leave it on!” So basically we have matching rings. No big deal. Speaking of matching, my mom also loved it so much that I bought her her own and we wear them as mother-daughter BFF rings. Every time I look at it, I think of her. (The one linked above is pretty damn close to mine!)

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Nova RingGold Octagon Coin Ring

Love these Missoma rings. Obsessed with all of their stuff. The Lucy Williams collection is insane, we love a multi-talented queen! So fab and easy for layering. More is more, that’s what the hoarder inside always says!

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Super Extra Gold Ring

This is my “Philanthropy Woman” ring. If you ever feel the urge to flex on all your haters, then pop this status symbol right on yo finger of choice. The only problem is the diamond on mine is most definitely not real, but no one needs to know that. Keep it on the DL guys, let me live my gaudy grandmother lifestyle in peace. (Not even close to the same ring, but general idea-ish. Got mine from an antique store)

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Badass Ring

My badass ring. Momma got this for me after surviving one too many Greyhound Bus emergencies. Sometimes you just have to do what you got to do to get home. Would SERIOUSLY not suggest. If you live through someone overdosing on top of you, or your driver almost yeeting your whole bus off of a cliff, then you too should get a badass ring. I think you deserve it. (This is not the same ring, but again, I tried)

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Gold Filled Coin Ring

Do you like Roman coins? Are you extra as hell? Then you too would love this ring! Roman coin, check! Gold? Extra check!

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Earrings:

Gold Hoop Earrings

Ah, nothing beats a classic pair of gold hoops. I found these at the thrift store and they’re 14k solid gold! Guess how much I paid… $3 buckeroos!! I really cried some happy tears when I busted out ye old magnifying glass when I got home and read the stamp inside. Good freakin times. Please mention this great moment at my funeral, really deserves to make it on the highlight reel.

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Free People Earring Pack

Everyone loves a fun pack, and my set of Free People earrings really hit the spot. I love to mix and match my earrings, and this pack is specifically geared toward that mentality. And ya that’s right, I haven’t lost all of them like you said I would. I’m talking to you Mom! (Not the same pack linked, but tbh I wish I had these more lmao, also the photo is not mine, but it’s the exact same pack I have. Mine no longer look that pretty haha)

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Hand Symbol Earrings

These have to be my favorite pair of earrings. I mean peace and the perfect symbol?! Say no more, I’m sold. Got these as a gift from Madewell, the land of dreams. That place is just too good. I’ll take five of everything, please. (Not the same linked, but similar. Not sure if they make these anymore)

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I have so much more jewelry that I love and adore, but these are the pieces I find myself wearing multiple times a week. I’m on a gold kick, what can I say. If anyone’s interested in a post on silver jewelry, let me know. Highly doubt anyone will be though, just like they’re probably not interested in this post. I get that, respect.

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Keep it real,

Savannah

Juice Cleanses: If you Make it Out ​Alive, you’re Clearly Related to Hercules

I thought I was strong, but gradually an evil pizza-demanding fiend appeared and no one was safe. I should have known.

Wow, here we are, folks. If you’ve ever thought about doing a juice cleanse, or are interested in a harrowing tale filled with hope, pain, and rebirth then strap on in. If it’s anything like my juice cleanse experience, the ride will be less than pleasant.

Part One: Visions of Renewal Fuelled with Delusion:

Let’s set the scene: a tired, dull and increasingly flabby individual is staring herself down in the mirror. “How sad”, she thinks. “Is this what I look like? Tragic.” Reality strikes, people! And when it does, it’s best to be as far away from a mirror as possible. I’ve always wanted to do a juice cleanse, and being the delusional optimist that I am, this was not only the perfect time to do it but it would also completely transform me into the young Claudia Schiffer I know lies within. She’s just resting right now! I knew God supported my decision when I went on to Pressed Juicery’s website and saw that they were having a promotional deal. Like any rational person, I shrieked and rallied the troops. Juice cleanses are better with friends so you can share your mutual pain and suffering. Juice cleansing is a team sport, simply facts, people. I skipped all the way to the Pressed store and with each skip, I felt more and more like Gwenyth Paltrow. I bought my juices, holding one in my hands proudly and delivered an Oscar-winning speech, thanking the workers for their part in my rebirth. The Gwenyth inside told me to. The workers were both honored and touched, but I’m sure this type of thing happens every day. Fools scampering in, ready for a new life. The workers urging them on, only to laugh menacingly once they leave the store. If only they knew the horrors that lie ahead, suckers.

Part 2: It Begins

I’m home now, and I can’t wait to start the cleanse. So much so, that when I fall asleep I dream that I’m on Oprah speaking about all my success. What do I credit all my fame and glory to? The juice cleanse. It’s obvious that the stakes have been set waayyyyy too high. The comedown will be brutal. As they say, what goes up must come down! I go to my fridge and look at all my pretty little juices that I payed way too much for and read each label happily, only wincing after reading “roots  2.” MMMM roots, my favorite…. The first juice wasn’t bad at all, quite pleasant actually. What could be better than juice for breakfast? “Literally nothing”, I told myself. Each juice was to be had at two-hour intervals between its other juice brothers and sisters. I was living it up until I hit juice three. We don’t like to speak about juice three, because that’s when my optimism flew straight out the window and the horrific and painful reality of what it means to only drink juice all day set in. It was sour, my stomach was churning, I felt nauseous, various segments of my life all involving sweet sweet food came to mind with every sip. The horror, the sheer audacity of it all. I still had three more to go?!? With my last sip of juice three, I realized that If I wasn’t dead by the end of this, I had superpowers that entailed incredible juice drinking abilities.

As the day went on, various demons within reared their ugly heads. The food devil was so strong that I was halfway down the street on the way to get a burger until the fog lifted around me and I had to state my name, date of birth and address in order to remember who I was and why I was in the middle of nowhere. My roommate came in with Hot Cheetos and I had to instruct her to restrain me so I didn’t assault her for them. Thankfully no one was harmed during the entirety of the cleanse, at least that I can remember. I think I blacked out at some point. By the end of the day, I had successfully finished all six juices but felt so nauseous that I imagined my stomach was a concert arena, and there was definitely a heavy metal band playing, and there was definitly a mosh pit. I went to bed at 7 and prayed for the day from hell to end.

 

 

Part 3: The Aftermath. Claudia Schiffer, Is that you?

Thank God I woke up the next day. That was a close one. Could have easily withered away in my sleep. I got out of bed and looked in the mirror. Unfortunately, it was still just me, but hot damn I looked skinny! “Hmmm maybe it was worth it”’ I thought. LMAO, JUST KIDDING! As soon as I sniffed my breakfast, my stomach immediately blopped out over my jeans and I shed a single tear. As far as energy went, I was a walking zombie, so the usual. Nothing new there. Maybe my skin was clearer than usual the next few days? But that’s a huge maybe. I could have easily fabricated that in my head just to make myself feel better. I felt the same as I usually would in the next coming week, not bad but certainly not as thrilled as Billy Mays once was selling Oxy Clean. (That was my goal.) Moral of the story, the only thing I really gained from doing this cleanse was the ability to say I made it through a juice cleanse without cheating and prove my questionable willpower to myself. Thank God I didn’t pick the experienced cleanse over the basic cleanse. The endorphins get going and I simply can’t be trusted to make rational decisions. I just get way too excited. Oh, I also learned I’m not a sadist because of my choice to do the basic cleanse, so that’s pretty great. One more fun fact to tell people at parties. “Hey Tommy, did you know that I’m not a sadist? You too? Cool! We should totally hang out sometime!”

About two months after I did the cleanse I went to Pressed for ice cream, you obviously won’t be seeing me there for anything else ever again. Me being the lonely, social interaction lacking person I am, I tried to strike up a convo with one of the people working there and asked if they’d ever done a cleanse. When they replied yes, I couldn’t wait to relate our struggles. Cleanse buddies!! Instead, they went on to say that they had done a week-long cleanse and thought that it was easy. I was horrified, disgusted, to say the least. You foul human, you. Who are you? What are you?  After, one of the most fabulous, “I’m very obviously incredibly wealthy” women walked over to me while my mouth was still agape trying to process what I had just heard and said, “Those cleanses are hell, I almost died on a One Day.” Needless to say, my faith in humanity was immediately restored. If this moment was a bell curve, the superhuman freak behind the Pressed counter would be way outside of me and my new rich best friend’s cool kid curve. So take that. Also, I realized that because of this, I had more in common with the skinny, glowing, fabulously wealthy and thankfully honest lady than I could have ever imagined. If I had to do a soul-sucking cleanse to realize this, then It was all worth it in the end.

Keep it real,

Savannah

The Law of Attraction: The Universe is Your Genie​, it’s Time to Rub the Lamp!

Since I’ve been pretty good at keeping up with my resolutions, toot toot (my own horn, obviously), I felt that it would be appropriate to follow up on my last post with a more in-depth look at The Law of Attraction, and how it’s been working for me. Thank God might I add, we all know how impatient I am. Like so impatient that if I put a hash brown in the toaster and it pops up cold, I’ll obviously still eat it. Anyways, you get the gist.

I’d like to start with one of my favorite experiences I’ve had practicing The Law of Attraction. I grew up with my mom talking about spirituality, meditation, and all that jazz my whole life. I always thought that it was cool that she had something that made her feel grounded, but as far as I was concerned if meditation meant sitting still with my eyes closed and dare I say try to be calm, in homage to American Idol legend Randy Jackson, it was a big “It’s a no from me dawg”. Thankfully nothing was ever pushed down my throat, and eventually, after 18 years I’ve come around and found things for myself. But don’t worry, my mom makes sure to remind me who the original cool chick was and is. Mom, I leave you with all the street cred.

If I’m being honest I wasn’t interested in the Law of Attraction until I was in a situation where I felt like I needed a miracle. Two words, chemistry midterm. Sweetie needed a damn miracle because after doing my own research, I realized that I was about to be finessed. You have to finesse life, not the other way around!!! So doing what any rational person would do, I threw my study materials to the ground and yelled: “IT’S ATTRACTION TIME BITCH”. Looking back, I regret this poor word choice. Universe, you are not a bitch, you’re pretty flippin cool. My sincerest of apologies.

I wrote down exactly what I wanted to happen. I said among a variety of other wishful statements that I wanted to get an A on this exam. I went along with my day and was careful to monitor the negative out of my thoughts. Realizing how negative you can be at times is eye-opening. Realizing, reflecting and moving forward is one of the most important and rewarding parts. At the end of the night, I listened to a sleep manifestation meditation and since I’m dedicated to having only the best, I read the comment section first to make sure that each and every person who listened turned into Bill Gates. After reading a few “I won a raffle” comments, I was satisfied and prepared to wake up glowing and covered in hundred dollar bills. Although I thought “Damn, I don’t even have anything to win”, I relaxed and eventually fell asleep.

The next day I took the test and was unsure of how I felt about it. I checked my phone to see if I had missed anything, and lo and behold there was a missed call and voicemail from an unknown number. Because I am wary of predators (I have both pepper spray and a cat keyring that’s basically a shank on my lanyard), my first response was “damn what weirdo called?” Instead, it was a call from my local mall saying that I had won ice skating tickets from a raffle I forgot I had even entered that past week. I freaked out and made it my mission to tell everyone within a 10-mile radius that they were in fact in the presence of a winner. I told a few squirrels too, but I don’t think they were that impressed. I went on thinking how amazing that call was, but was still worried about the outcome of my chemistry test. Later in the day, I got an email that the results were out and my heart dropped to my chest. I mustered up the courage to check my grade and I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. I had gotten a 90% when across hundreds of other students, the average was a 42%. I basically peed myself, by basically I mean I peed myself. From that moment on, I was hooked.

Things I Recommend and Things to Keep in Mind:

  • “The Secret” is an awesome movie if you’re looking to learn more and get into the right mindset. It’s at times unbearably hokey, but like everything in life, pay attention to the things that resonate with you.
  • I’m a big fan of gratitude rocks. I found a stone glowing on the shore the last walk I had at the beach and had to pick it up. I keep it in my pocket and when I touch it, I make sure to think about something I’m grateful for. I even bring it to yoga!
  • Think of the universe as a giant genie with unlimited wishes. With each thought, the universe responds with “your wish is my command”. If you expect something to be bad, it will be, but if you expect it to be good it will be. The universe is constantly affirming what you put out.
  • Write down exactly what you want as if you already have it, and visualize what it would feel like to truly have these things in your possession. I like to start my lists by writing, “I am so happy and grateful now that…”
  • Most importantly, take everything with a grain of salt. I’m no spiritual guru (yet), so find things in your own time, and in your own way. If you get anything out of this, I hope it’s that just being positive and focusing on the good in your life will bring more good. Why focus on what’s wrong when you could focus on what’s right.

 

Here is the famed sleep manifestation meditation:

I hope you win a raffle! 😉

 

Keep it real,

Savannah

Skincare- The Road to Radiance​…or Rage

Ah, skincare. The shimmering beam of hope I always turn to in times of darkness, aka whenever an unwelcome skin demon appears on my face. Lately, my skin’s actually been a pretty cool gal, but it hasn’t always been that way. Although I have sat her down a few times and sternly said, “Hey you! Ya, that’s right I’m talking to you. Calm down B, who hurt you?”, She honestly still didn’t listen. Because of this foul, unreasonable behavior, I went on the hunt for products that really work for me, and hopefully you too! Sweetie, I’ve been through it all and wow, there are so many products that steal your money and faith in humanity! Over a long period of trial and error with dermatologists and about every single acne product on the shelf, I’ve discovered that my skin is ridiculously sensitive (let’s just say I figured out I was allergic to benzoyl peroxide with a hideous chemical burn earning me the nickname tomato Trudy… *cries*) Anyways, I finally got things on lockdown and am (finally) seeing results.

Here’s the lineup: (Morning Routine; boy do I hate the A.M, smh)

*Everyone Face Cleanser

This cleanser is simply amazing for sensitive acne-prone skin. It smells amazing, and really helps to wake me up in the morning, and might I add that that is extremely hard to do lol. When I first purchased this I was worried that the scent would irritate my skin, but I’m happy to announce that it didn’t. I find this to be non-drying, thank God because I was so used to washing my face and feeling like my skin was going to crack off. Thus I said “See ya later sweetheart”, to all the harsh products that made my skin send out e-vites to its own funeral.

*Everyone Face Toner

A true gem right here folks, this toner is like spraying angel breath on your face, which I can assure you is quite pleasant and not uncomfortably moist at all. Before I started using this toner, I was using one that had to be poured onto a cotton pad, and between that and removing my makeup at night, cotton pads were few and far in-between. That I just couldn’t have, because the distance between my dorm and a drugstore is about the distance between earth and a planet we haven’t even discovered yet. This leaves my skin hydrated, soft and calm! Not only that, but it only takes a few seconds to sink into your skin.

*Radha Beauty Vitamin C Serum for Face

Honestly, I was so against vitamin C for the longest time. I admit I was bitter. I tried a variety of highly rated vitamin c serums and time after time ended up disappointed. They always left a weird sheen on my face, broke me out and never really yielded any visible results. I decided to take the plunge back into vitamin c now that my skin is relatively acne free, and my main concern are the scars left over. I was shocked when I woke up the morning after I tried this out and saw immediate results. I use this every day and night, and within a week or two it has already completely changed my skin for the better and leaves no sheen, is non-irritating and smells like heaven on earth.

*Seriously Shine Free Moisturizer

When I moved to southern California, my skin was certainly not used to the heat, and nasty oil production was the result. I was on the hunt for a matte moisturizer for the daytime and eventually came across this one. I was worried it was going to clog my pores, but it actually cleans them out! This moisturizer has salicylic acid in it and it helps to keep acne at bay while you go through the day. When I was reading reviews on it, a lot of people mentioned that it has a pretty horrific scent, so I was pretty sketched out but still took a leap of faith and thankfully there’s no offensive scent at all. But hey like Febreze says, maybe I’m just nose-blind. But I have 20/20 vision and not to brag, but I think my nose does too.

*La Roche-Posay Anthelios 60 Ultra Light Sunscreen

Hate to say it, but I was sooo late to the sunscreen bandwagon. I always felt like it broke me out and left a white cast on my skin. The SoCal sun is basically the devil, and I’m so fair that I practically wake up with a sunburn because the sun burns so bright through my windows. After a lot of tragic life lessons, (one word, Hawaii), I finally realized the importance of sunscreen, and if you don’t already I hope you do soon. Also, the use of vitamin c makes your skin even more susceptible to burns, so SPF is essential to survival. This sunscreen is very thin, leaves no cast and doesn’t irritate my skin.

The Lineup part 2: (Night Routine, lazy and over it)

*Alba Face and Body Scrub

Now see here, scrubs are not usually my friend. If I haven’t said it 9891992 times, here it is again. MY SKIN IS SO SENSITIVE IT LITERALLY GETS OFFENDED BY EVERYTHING. This scrub manages to exfoliate without making my face flaming red and it really keeps my skin clear. The last time I got a facial, the facialist said that I don’t have acne, but rather when I get a breakout it’s because I have excess dead skin sitting around on my face and it eventually clogs my pores, so exfoliating is pretty important for me.

*Toner part 2, same one I mentioned in my morning routine

*Vitamin C serum, same as morning routine

*Curology

Ok, out of everything I’ve mentioned so far this product is hands down the biggest game changer. After going to the best dermatologist in my area and having her not even look at my face and immediately trying to put me on an oral acne pill, girlfriend was over it. I’ve never really had acne aggressive enough to be put on any type of pill, and not only that I didn’t want to hurt my body, your body is your temple! Though I personally wouldn’t take any oral acne medication, I totally understand and respect why a lot of people choose to because, after a certain point, enough is enough! I tried retinol creams but nothing has ever worked as well as this miracle in a bottle. I sent in three pictures of my skin and listed my concerns and what I wanted to get out of the product and sent it out for a Curology derm to review. After I received my free trial and saw insane results in only two weeks, I was hooked and have been using it for three months now.

This moisturizer is super basic and very hydrating. It sinks right into the skin and helps to balance your skin tone and brighten up dark marks. It has a really lovely scent and it puts me in a good mood when I slap it on before I hit the hay. Also, with all of the Everyone Skin Care line you get SO MUCH product and it’s so inexpensive with amazing ingredients. I use the smallest amount of this stuff and it will probably last long enough to be able to leave it to someone in my will, I wonder who the lucky recipient will be.
WE FINALLY MADE IT TO THE END! Is anyone still here cause I’m not, typing with my eyes closed rn…..
These are my spot treatments. I look pretty hideous at night and lost all shits to give about it long ago. If someone knocks on my dorm door at night, I have no problem opening the door wide open, spots and all. It is what it is baby, I scare myself too so we’re even. My Grandpa used to call me the spotted owl, so ya I have a pretty sweet street name, srry 4 flexin. I use the Sudocrem for dark marks and the drying lotion for active pimples. I’ve gone through so many bottles of the Mario Badescu drying lotion, I can actually hear my wallet crying at the mention of it right now. Simply tragic, but got to say it really does the job. I like to think of my spots as sprinkles, everyone loves sprinkles…lmao.
Thank God, I’m done. If you read this whole thing I seriously applaud you, I think I blacked out at one point. If you have any recommendations please let me know because the hunt never ends. Also, this is 100% not sponsored obviously and the only one reading this is probably my mom hahaha so ya. I just really like things and when I talk about them, I eventually start sounding like an Avon rep.
Keep it real,
Savannah

What’s in the Bag? – My Makeup Essentials

I can’t help but agree with the saying, “when you look good, you feel good”. Now with or without makeup depending on how confident I’m feeling, this rings true for me. These are the essentials that I use to feel my best.

1. Maybelline SuperStay Better Skin Concealer

The quest for the perfect concealer was a journey that could only be compared to Jason’s quest for the golden fleece. Thankfully my long, painful journey was fruitful and you already know ya girl came out alive and successful!! Drumroll, please…… MAYBELLINE SUPER STAY BETTER SKIN CONCEALER!!! She is beauty she is grace. I use this concealer for my blemishes and under eyes and wow, amazing coverage that truly lasts all day. There’s nothing worse than having a blemish as red as a hot pepper on your face and not being able to get the coverage you want out of your concealer. AND…. an added bonus of actyl C is in this formula, which works to gradually diminish dark marks over time. I love that this helps get rid of my acne scars, and I feel proactive when I put this on in the morning because gradually I’ve seen it make a difference on my skin.

2. Maybelline Brow Precise Fiber Voluminizer

My eyebrows are naturally very thick, but also very blonde. I’ve always been a huge fan of Brooke Sheilds feathery, natural brows circa Blue Lagoon and this product is all of that in a tube. I use the shade soft brown and I like to think it’s a fantastic color for those of you blondies out there who may struggle to find a good eyebrow shade like I have. The fibers in the formula blend seamlessly with your natural brow hairs and the hold of the gel is firm enough to keep your brows in place all day, without feeling crunchy to the touch.

3. Lancôme Monsieur Big Mascara

To say that I’ve tried every mascara in the book would actually be a huge understatement. The number of mascaras lying in my mascara graveyard is honestly a bit shameful. Is a mascara that stays all day providing you with perfectly long, voluminous lashes just too much to ask for?!? I thought it was until I tried out this bad boy right here. I tend to get oily eyelids through the day so I’m always on the hunt for a mascara that doesn’t smear all over or flake. This one does the job and more, holding a curl and looking like you’ve just applied it minutes ago, even if it was really hours. (If it can stay perfect through a college frat party, it can easily go to hell and back, no question about it.) If you’re looking for a mascara with a more approachable price tag, I also love Loreal Voluminous Carbon Black Mascara, which is used on me frequently at photoshoots and is a Makeup Artist’s staple.

4. Rimmel London Kate Moss Face Sculpting Kit

Usually, my everyday makeup only consists of concealer, eyebrow gel, and mascara, but if I’m feeling extra fancy or have a few seconds to spare in the morning I’ll pop on some of the Kate Moss sculpting palette. I love this product mostly because of how easy it is to grab one product that has bronzer, blush, and highlighter all in one cute little container. I use the shade 001 Golden Sands and each of the products compliment my skin tone perfectly and seeing as I’m very pale It’s hard enough to find one product, let alone three that don’t make me look like a fool.

I hope this post helps some of you out there who are looking for makeup that does the job and actually performs like it’s supposed to. I’m happy that all of these products are drugstore (and my wallet is too), except for one which I’ve listed a dupe for. Happy hunting, and thanks for giving this post a once-over.

Keep it real,

Savannah