Hello all, long time no see.
In the spirit of New Year’s resolutions, I thought I might as well jump on the bandwagon. It seems that the bandwagon must be in fact, on fire due to how willing I am to jump off of it, but we do the best that we can.
How did you spend your New Year’s Eve? Now don’t be too jealous, but I spent New Year’s Eve watching an entire season of Great British Bakeshow with my Dad. The clincher was really the fact that we had NO FOOD and with each unveiling of those succulent morsels, I slipped farther and farther into a spiral of bake show-induced depression.
Your squad could never…
Now that I’ve had a few days to think about all the things I wish to radically expel from my personality and physical appearance, here is my coveted list that I’m sure I’ll get around to next year. Btw I plan on achieving both mental and physical perfection by drinking at least one glass of water per day and it’s a sure-fire plan.
New Year’s Resolutions- By Me, to Me:
- Please for the love of God drink some water! I mean Jesus Christ, it’s debatable if you’re even alive! Humans need water to live, to thrive and goddammit you go days on only coffee! Get your act together! All the real models drink approximately eight gallons of water a day and just look at them! The proof is in the pudding and their incredible skin and shocking good looks/ perfect bodies can all be traced back to RADICAL WATER CONSUMPTION! You’re fooling yourself if you think any of that is attributed to their genetics.
Two great books:
Agua, H2O. Hydrate or diedrate.
2. Exercise ya lazy sow! Now, we can’t be too hard on ourselves because yes, we do go on 4 mile walks almost every day but you and I both know your holiday break is over. Restorative yoga DOES NOT count! Savannah, it’s literally just an hour of sleep. Get it together, we do not want to have issues getting up the stairs at the age of 75.
Yes, I know, I know. My muscles intimidate you.
3. Meditate at least three times a week. It’s not that hard! All you have to do is spend 15 minutes doing nothing. You do that anyway, at least be mindful about it! I swear you meditate for a week, feel great and for some reason, you just stop. Why? Please let me know, your inner voice is so confused.
Here, I have reached full enlightenment. Meditation equals enlightenment equals thumbs up. Theta waves only, bitch.
Speak with Consciousness
4. Perhaps stop speaking with the two most foul and unintelligent words you could possibly use to express yourself. “Like” and “literally” make you sound as if you have only two active brain cells, and one of them seems to have left for vacation and has shown no signs of coming back. From this moment on I shall only speaketh through verbal dictation that demonstrates the unmeasurable capacity that my intellectual prowess can bequeath on the mass populous. Good day.
Whomst is that over yonder? Shall I dazzle them with my keen intellect?
5. Maybe actually use your blog? Just a thought. Can you possibly stick to something for once in your life? It’s there, you pay for it and you even have thoughts sometimes! As a young woman in the 21st century, are you even alive if you’re not expressing and documenting your every waking thought and movement on every social media platform imaginable? The answer is no, you’re not.
Who, me? Yes, you’re right I am blogging. Here, I am also thinking a thought. Haha, it’s so funny!
6. Last, but certainly not least, please stop living in fear! What are you afraid of? I checked under the bed AND in the closet, there’s nothing there! Go young one, pursue your dreams! You have nothing to fear, positive outlook brings a positive outcome. It’s simple science!
Looking under the bed…yep, all clear! Plus, angel affirmation.
Leave me a comment and let me know if you have any New Year’s Resolutions. I would love to hear them!
All the best,