Travel Essentials: Survive and Flourish

Oh, the joys of traveling. There’s nothing quite like a random woman stealing your neck rest mid-flight and refusing to give it back or a druggie overdosing next to you on the bus. Unfortunately, I’ve been through more travel horror stories than what I would expect a normal person to have. But, because I am always going to and from one place or another constantly dealing with minor travesties along the way, I now consider myself to be the Martha Stewart of packing. Just minus the money and jail sentence. That one I can live without, though apparently, she had a pretty sweet set up.

Martha knows best!

Here’s a list of my top items, and below what my packing list looks like 🙂

Hand Sanitizer:

If you know me personally, you would know that I like to feel clean and germ-free. Unfortunately, though, I frequently find myself in germy situations, though I am unaware of this harsh reality at the time. To set the scene, on a trip to NY, I was so horrified by how overcrowded and microbe-infested the subway was, I got off at one of the sketchiest parts of the city and bought an economy-sized bottle of hand sanitizer. First of all, of course I would have preferred pocket size, but 7/11 had some limited options that day. Beggars can’t be choosers, friends. All I can say is yes I got laughed at toting around a 1 pound bottle of sanitizer but did I get sick during that trip? No, I certainly did not! Who’s laughing now? Another friendly tip, If you happen to come across someone carrying a 1 pound bottle of sanitizer and proceed to laugh at them but then ask for some moments later, take a minute to reconsider. Said person may not, in fact, be the Mother Teresa of the subway, and there’s a good chance that they will be unwilling to forgive and forget. I know a lot of people have mixed feeling about hand sanitizer but personally, it has become imperative to my survival. College will whack your immune system like a Piñata. I always use an organic sanitizer so I don’t feel so bad. Regardless of how you feel about sanitizer, I think it’s undeniable that life can hit you with one too many moments where you wished you had something to clean your hands with. Unless of course, you fear nothing. In that case, I wish you all the best!

Neck Rest:

If you’re flying, you simply need something to support the old noggin! I learned this the hard way, and I’ll never be making that mistake again. My neck looked like a question mark by the time I touched down. Funny enough, one time I actually forgot my neck rest and realized this halfway to the airport. I screamed “STOP, MY NECKREST!” and made my mom and 5-star chauffeur drive me all the way back home so I could snatch it up. 4 hours later I’m sitting as contently as someone who’s not in first-class could be with my beloved neck rest. “How wonderful life is with you, sweet neck-rest,” I thought. In that moment of bliss, a tragedy occurred. My neck rest became suicidal and fell from my seat to the lady in the back of me’s lap. I thought, “No worries, I’ll just say sorry and get it back.” HA! Absolutely false. Turns out I was sitting in front of satan’s redneck cousin, Jolene. If she hasn’t taken your man yet, she will take your neck rest. This sunburnt tomato of a woman in an American flag shirt and matching cap literally grabbed my neck rest and put it behind her head and refused to give it back until I forcefully stole it back at the end of the flight. This was a capital offense if you ask me, and I’m still speaking with my lawyers about this travesty. I’ll let you know when she’s convicted.

A Good Book (or Decoy):

There’s never a better time to settle in and read a good book than when you’re suspended in a tin can magically floating in the air with no wifi. Fun fact: Last time I was reading a book on the plane, it served as a fabulous conversation starter with the cutest guy ever who just so happened to be sitting next to me. (Shout out God! Better than the lady last time on her way to rehab going through withdrawals!) We were both pretending to be immersed in our books, and then eventually came clean that we weren’t interested in them at all and talked for the rest of the flight. Great for us, not for the lady in the back of us who told us to shut up. Ahem, very rude. Can’t you see I’m getting the most attention I’ve had in centuries?! Also, this was a morning flight. It was like 10am, so keep your comments to yourself lady, I was using my inside voice.


If you forget your chargers, you will die. These are simply the facts. Nothing more to say about that.


Nothing terrifies me more than not being able to listen to music in public. One of my worst nightmares. If I ever got stuck on over a 3-hour flight and had no tunes to dull the horrors around me I would probably lose what’s left of my mind. Please don’t be one of those people that think it’s ok to listen to stuff on blast without earbuds on a plane. Those people are an entirely different breed of human and I would love to see their results. They all have to be related to the same obnoxious person. Bevis? Perhaps, Butthead?


Any extended period of time where you have limited options for what you can do is a great time to write. I love to write down what I’m grateful for, any ideas that pop into my head (lmao, like I ever have ideas), and maybe a just a “how my day is going” entry if I’m feelin extra fancy. I always crack myself up because if I ever write a journal entry I’ll literally try to be funny knowing full well I’m the only one who’s ever going to read it. Then I’ll go back and read what I wrote days later and be like lmao, damn I’m good. It’s pretty sad, really. Almost seems like a scene from American Psycho.

Me @ future me reading my own jokes


Savannah’s Travel Must-Haves

Carry on:

  • Hand Sanitizer: Two words, THE PLAGUE
  • Headphones: Simply a must unless you enjoy purgatory
  • Essential Oils: Great to put on your temples and wrists!
  • Notebook: If you have ideas write them down! If you don’t, write your self a good old joke. Knock knock? Who’s there? Yourself.
  • Sheet Masks: If people fear you, they are weak and you are both mentally and physically superior
  •  Lip Balm: Bitches get crusty real quick
  • Gum: Never be caught foul breathed! Or if your a dumb ass like me and forgot to buy snacks, you can use gum to not only fill the void but also give yourself the worst stomach ache ever
  • Rose Water Facial Spray: Thank me later
  • Charger: Forget them and face the consequences
  • Power Bank: You never know when your phone will decide to yeet its battery life away
  • Bioderma: It’s so nice to freshen up the old mug before landing
  • Eye Drops: Shit be dry, bitches be burnin
  • Ear Plugs: Crying babies materialize next to me frequently, always be prepared
  • Eye Mask: For blockin out the haters
  • Book: Read it up, flirt it up






Things to Take the Edge Off​: No, It’s Not​ What You’re Thinking


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Great joke, matcha!

This year has been one of the most difficult, but growth-filled of my life. For reference, this is supposed to be my “golden year”, filled with glory and triumph. Eighteen on the eighteenth. For others who haven’t had their golden year yet, you might want to trash the whole idea. Just a thought. I’m not bitter or anything like that, where’d you get that notion? Maybe it’s my fault for having my golden year also happen to be the age where poor children everywhere become a victim of adulthood. Now that I’m legal I would like to start a petition to make the age of adulthood 21, sign below. If I can’t be trusted to hold my liquor responsibly, how in the hell am I supposed to pay my taxes, or *gasp* dare I say, support myself??? Horrific. Anyways, just a thought. Since I’m so surprised that I made it this far, I thought about some possible reasons for why. Below are the reasons why I haven’t thrown myself away in the trash, were talking landfill here folks, like I want to end up as a plastic bottle in the next life.

This video is literally what keeps me going, I have to watch it at least once a day. It’s basically a prescription drug at this point. Please watch, you will NOT be disappointed:


Coffee: Through serious thought and about a month of straight meditation without food or drink (not by choice), I have become enlightened. When I came out of my state of comatose, I realized I had only learned one thing: The meaning of life is coffee. Basically, if you don’t drink coffee, It’s not looking too good for you. Getting away from campus and going to one of my favorite coffee shops, French Press or Caje is the single most reason I haven’t dropped out of school and joined a gang. A simple sip of an iced vanilla latte changes my aura from a foul black to a brilliant, purified white. Though it regularly gives me total anxiety, the repercussions are worth it.

My favorite cappuccino via French Press ❤


Amazon: If I didn’t allow myself to buy one thing a month from Amazon, I’m over 100% positive that I would have been admitted to a high-security psych ward long ago. I’m obsessed with skincare, so usually, I spend my days browsing through a never-ending array of French skincare I otherwise wouldn’t have had access to. I try not to think of the price markups though, would definitely send me spiraling. Might I suggest Bioderma Micellar Water or Embryolisse Concentrated Cream. I have seriously never worked with a makeup artist on set that didn’t have these in their kit, they’re totally amazing. 12/10 rating from yours, truly. Even if you have the most sensitive baby skin that’s allergic to the thought of change, these will still work for you.

Meditation: I’ve touched base on this before, but this helps clear my mind and get me out of a negative mood every single time. Hasn’t failed once. I’m not going to pretend like I meditate every single day, because as much as I wish I did, I don’t. I try really hard to but to be honest, sometimes it still feels like a chore even though it completely changes my day for the better. I’ve been LOVING Oprah and Deepak Chopra’s 21-day Abundance Meditation Challenge. I really admire both of them, and I find Deepak’s voice to be incredibly soothing. It’s also helped to keep me accountable because I feel obligated to finish the challenge all the way through without stopping and picking up again the next day. I think this may be because I’m SO competitive and I can’t help but think that when I finish the 21st day I’ll open my eyes and be sitting in my mansion. Wishful thinking you say? That’s right! Just what I’m supposed to be doing, try again next time sweetie!


Yoga: This one has a backstory so take the tissues out, it’s a real tear-jerker. In one of my previous posts, I mentioned yoga, and that I was going to CorePower. While I’m still a huge fan, your girl DOES NOT have the coins for that!!! After my first month that was already super expensive even with my student discount, I couldn’t justify spending my nonexistent coinz on another month. It was going to be around $180 bucks and I was like,”Oh sweetie, what a hilarious joke!” when I was told the price. Though it was a tragic realization, my rational side (that doesn’t come out often) eventually won me over resulting in CorePower and I’s breakup. Sadly, I couldn’t say “It’s me, not you” because it was you, CorePower. It really was. Things just weren’t working anymore, and I’m sorry, I had to do what’s best for me. Also, in the time that I was practicing yoga, I think I totally injured my back and pulled a muscle. It could be sleeping on the rock that is my dorm bed for a year, but I guess we’ll never know. Anyways, now that we’ve bonded over my breakup, I’ll tell you what I’m doing now. 30 Days of Yoga with Adriene on youtube! Girl, you ain’t even gotta leave your own house anymore! Wow, I love technology. Adriene is incredible and It’s been so nice to pull up one of her videos at the end of the day and go through the motions. Even better, no one is pressuring you to go farther than you want! Just listen to your body. But warning, when I listen to my body it says things like, “You don’t exercise enough! Damn bitch, why don’t you ever feed me some fruit? Would it kill you to buy some vegetables?” The feedback is brutal, currently looking for a therapist to compensate for the emotional damage I’ve endured after that one.


Journal Writing: When you’re as desperate as I am, you bet your bottom dollar I’m going to try anything I can to manifest abundance into my life. Three words: The Law of Attraction, boys. I genuinely hate writing in a diary, so this is not that for me. A book of things I wouldn’t even tell my friends (which honestly nothing ever happens that’s worth hiding lmao), sounds like trouble to me. My diary would be too boring anyways. “Dear diary, today I went to class and nothing happened. After that, I came home and ate a waffle for the millionth time, was out of jam so the only thing I had to put on it was my own tears. Salty. I should really clean up, also I’m out of paper towels. Going to sleep early tonight, too bored to keep my eyes open. Talk tomorrow, xoxo!” What I actually do is write down all the things I want, but write about them like they already happened. For example, “I’m so happy I always have more money coming in than going out”, or “I had the most incredible time on set with..”, *insert dream photographer here.* At first, I feel really dumb, but by the end of it I can’t help but be excited about the possibility of a realty like that. The only downside is if anyone reads it and doesn’t know what I’m doing, they’ll have reason to believe I’m either schizophrenic or a pathological liar.


I hope everyone reading either finds or has already found things that make them happy and help them get through their week. The best is yet to come.

Keep it real,


Jewelry: Yes I Have a Problem, No I Won’t ​ Get Help

Jewelry is what keeps me going. I would put my need for bedazzlement second to, maybe oxygen. Not to be dramatic but when I forget to put on my favorite necklace, the heart tremors begin immediately. It may come as a shock to you based on my previous statements, but I once despised these magical body sprinkles. Yes, it’s true. My mom has always been into jewelry and has always tried to get me into it. Maybe because of this, I decided that jewelry was whack just because I wanted to stick it to the man. It’s only recently that I’ve gradually come to my senses. Pushing puberty aside, I realized I’ve been a damn fool. A damn fool! So many years wasted, I’ll refer to them as the Dark Ages. Also, I’m 100% turning into my mom. Like it’s crazy. Everything that I used to be like “Ew I hate that”, is now like, “Holy frick Mom, that’s so tight, can I borrow that (steal forever and claim as my own?)”  So I guess I’m a dirty poser! So be it, judge me all you want.

Wow, I love gold. It’s my metal of choice. So shine, so glow, so sparkle. I swear I must have been a gold miner in a past life and things must have not worked out for me then, so I’m making up for it now. Eureka! That’s what I say every time I buy or receive something gold. People are starting to get scared though, I mean fine, if my prospector outfit scares you I guess I’ll go. But it was either this or my Goldmember tracksuit. Your choice.

For reference, these are both pictures of me. Sorry, I forgot to shave in the first one :/


Without further ado, here are some of my favorites!


Alighieri Leone Medallion

Oh man. I love this bad boy. I’m wearing it while I’m writing this, in case you doubted my pure and undying love. If you did, then jokes on you, you played yourself. At the time, I’d been searching for months to find the perfect every day, french girl-esque necklace that I could call my own. It had to be fabulous though, obviously. But also I’m poor so like… sweetie had to be under $250. I don’t know if you’ve happened to notice, but literally every enviable French girl has a circular, golden necklace. Is this a cool girl cult of some sort? If so, where do I apply? Yes, I know I’m underqualified, please let me live my life thanks. I’m a Leo, so the fact that this has a beautiful lion on the front really sold me. Though this necklace never flips, the back is beautiful as well so if in the event that an asteroid zooms by and a huge blast of wind flips your necklace around, there’s no need to panic. Pat down your hair and carry on because the back is equally as lovely as the front. I said lovely, was I just possed by the Queen? Damn, I wished she stayed longer, I think I’m back to normal. If you’re a high roller (lucky you, can’t relate), Alighieri offers this in solid gold, but you already know mines just plated and guess what I love it just the same! Overall, if girlfriend had the coins, I’d be spending mad dough over on their website because I love everything.

Gold Lion Charm

My little baby lion! What a cutie!! This was generously given to me by wonderful auntie Evita. Shout out, Evita! This was a major sacrifice because not only does she love gold, but she’s also a Leo. Best sign tbh, anyone willing to fight me on this can meet me at the playground around 4. I love to pair this with its big lion brother above. She got this at the Santa Cruz Antique Fair from “the charm lady.” Pretty sure that’s her legal name. I ripped the chain off of another necklace of mine that was being a major disappointment. It needed a rebirth, and for once I don’t regret one of my excitement-fuelled irrational outbursts. Since I doubt anyone will seek out the charm lady, I’ve linked a similar one above. That boi is only $3.50, get on dat!

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Moon and Star Necklace

Ah, my moon necklace. The only thing that eased the horrors of senior night. If you have a senior night, I would advise you to run, but like, if you have friends and like staying up for 24 hours straight then I guess go, this sounds like a great opportunity for you. I got this as a gift from my Mom and Dad. My Momma knows what’s up, let’s be real. She got this from Marshalls and let me tell you, do not, I repeat, DO NOT sleep on their gold section. Nine times out of ten, it be poppin. This was a special time in my life, and I wore this when I graduated high school. Little did I know I was about to be royally finessed the second I moved into my dorm, LMAO. (The one I linked above isn’t exact, but it’s pretty close)

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Silver and Gold Necklace

My silver and gold necklace! Everyone loves a good fusion, I know I do lol! This is awesome when I feel like wearing both silver and gold, not to mention it goes with my lion medallion perfectly. Got this sweetie as a gift from my fab auntie Mary Ann, love it! Such a great surprise and I’ve already gotten so many compliments on it. (Had a really difficult time finding something similar, but there are plenty of great options on Etsy)

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Gold Chains

MY GOLD CHAINZZZZ! It’s best to be prepared to start a rap career at any time. I put my name into a rap generator the other night (haven’t you?), and my rap name is “DEE JAY SV SQUEEZE”. And I mean obviously, I was not disappointed in the slightest bit. You too can generate your rap name just in case someone asks the next time you’ve got your chains on. It happens to me often, so I had to get hip. These guys are super delicate, so I have to treat them with respect. One time I said “damn necklace” and one of them broke. So proceed with caution. My Momma also got these for me. Honestly, I get pretty much everything from my Momma, and from Marshall’s yo. (Also not the same exact chains linked, but I tried.)
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Gold Heart Necklace

Last but bish these babies aren’t least, my gold heart necklaces! One is a locket that I just got this past weekend from an estate sale! I was so excited, and it hangs in the perfect place. Couldn’t wait to get home and polish it up. BTW, I think polishing jewelry is just as effective as meditation, somebody should get on that. Also, there’s a cute little old couple in there and I feel really bad about taking them out, but I really want to put a picture of my dog that recently passed in there. Lol, did you think I was going to put a picture of my boyfriend in there? Ha, don’t have one of those!! The second is an incredible gift my Momma gave me (surprise) when I got dropped off at college. It was the first gift my Dad ever gave my Mom, and it means so much to me. AND THAT BABY GOT A DIAMOND INSIDE!! Sorry 4 flexin!!

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Gold Wave Ring

I got my golden wave ring from a shop during my summer trip in Kauai. This was a “treat yo self” moment and I don’t regret it one bit. I’ve had this ring on my finger since last June and it’s become apart of me. I’ve got the tan line to prove it. I was doing a job for Carolina Herrera and I had forgotten to take it off. The woman that was sent out to represent Carolina Herrera came up to me, and I started screaming internally “YOU DUMMY, you’re about to get flamed for not taking that ring off! You’re blacklisted, done for”, but then she walked over to me and said, “Oh my god, I have the exact same ring, look! Leave it on!” So basically we have matching rings. No big deal. Speaking of matching, my mom also loved it so much that I bought her her own and we wear them as mother-daughter BFF rings. Every time I look at it, I think of her. (The one linked above is pretty damn close to mine!)

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Nova Ring, Gold Octagon Coin Ring

Love these Missoma rings. Obsessed with all of their stuff. The Lucy Williams collection is insane, we love a multi-talented queen! So fab and easy for layering. More is more, that’s what the hoarder inside always says!

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Super Extra Gold Ring

This is my “Philanthropy Woman” ring. If you ever feel the urge to flex on all your haters, then pop this status symbol right on yo finger of choice. The only problem is the diamond on mine is most definitely not real, but no one needs to know that. Keep it on the DL guys, let me live my gaudy grandmother lifestyle in peace. (Not even close to the same ring, but general idea-ish. Got mine from an antique store)

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Badass Ring

My badass ring. Momma got this for me after surviving one too many Greyhound Bus emergencies. Sometimes you just have to do what you got to do to get home. Would SERIOUSLY not suggest. If you live through someone overdosing on top of you, or your driver almost yeeting your whole bus off of a cliff, then you too should get a badass ring. I think you deserve it. (This is not the same ring, but again, I tried)

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Gold Filled Coin Ring

Do you like Roman coins? Are you extra as hell? Then you too would love this ring! Roman coin, check! Gold? Extra check!

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Gold Hoop Earrings

Ah, nothing beats a classic pair of gold hoops. I found these at the thrift store and they’re 14k solid gold! Guess how much I paid… $3 buckeroos!! I really cried some happy tears when I busted out ye old magnifying glass when I got home and read the stamp inside. Good freakin times. Please mention this great moment at my funeral, really deserves to make it on the highlight reel.

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Free People Earring Pack

Everyone loves a fun pack, and my set of Free People earrings really hit the spot. I love to mix and match my earrings, and this pack is specifically geared toward that mentality. And ya that’s right, I haven’t lost all of them like you said I would. I’m talking to you Mom! (Not the same pack linked, but tbh I wish I had these more lmao, also the photo is not mine, but it’s the exact same pack I have. Mine no longer look that pretty haha)


Hand Symbol Earrings

These have to be my favorite pair of earrings. I mean peace and the perfect symbol?! Say no more, I’m sold. Got these as a gift from Madewell, the land of dreams. That place is just too good. I’ll take five of everything, please. (Not the same linked, but similar. Not sure if they make these anymore)

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I have so much more jewelry that I love and adore, but these are the pieces I find myself wearing multiple times a week. I’m on a gold kick, what can I say. If anyone’s interested in a post on silver jewelry, let me know. Highly doubt anyone will be though, just like they’re probably not interested in this post. I get that, respect.


Keep it real,


Juice Cleanses: If you Make it Out ​Alive, you’re Clearly Related to Hercules

I thought I was strong, but gradually an evil pizza-demanding fiend appeared and no one was safe. I should have known.

Wow, here we are, folks. If you’ve ever thought about doing a juice cleanse, or are interested in a harrowing tale filled with hope, pain, and rebirth then strap on in. If it’s anything like my juice cleanse experience, the ride will be less than pleasant.

Part One: Visions of Renewal Fuelled with Delusion:

Let’s set the scene: a tired, dull and increasingly flabby individual is staring herself down in the mirror. “How sad”, she thinks. “Is this what I look like? Tragic.” Reality strikes, people! And when it does, it’s best to be as far away from a mirror as possible. I’ve always wanted to do a juice cleanse, and being the delusional optimist that I am, this was not only the perfect time to do it but it would also completely transform me into the young Claudia Schiffer I know lies within. She’s just resting right now! I knew God supported my decision when I went on to Pressed Juicery’s website and saw that they were having a promotional deal. Like any rational person, I shrieked and rallied the troops. Juice cleanses are better with friends so you can share your mutual pain and suffering. Juice cleansing is a team sport, simply facts, people. I skipped all the way to the Pressed store and with each skip, I felt more and more like Gwenyth Paltrow. I bought my juices, holding one in my hands proudly and delivered an Oscar-winning speech, thanking the workers for their part in my rebirth. The Gwenyth inside told me to. The workers were both honored and touched, but I’m sure this type of thing happens every day. Fools scampering in, ready for a new life. The workers urging them on, only to laugh menacingly once they leave the store. If only they knew the horrors that lie ahead, suckers.

Part 2: It Begins

I’m home now, and I can’t wait to start the cleanse. So much so, that when I fall asleep I dream that I’m on Oprah speaking about all my success. What do I credit all my fame and glory to? The juice cleanse. It’s obvious that the stakes have been set waayyyyy too high. The comedown will be brutal. As they say, what goes up must come down! I go to my fridge and look at all my pretty little juices that I payed way too much for and read each label happily, only wincing after reading “roots  2.” MMMM roots, my favorite…. The first juice wasn’t bad at all, quite pleasant actually. What could be better than juice for breakfast? “Literally nothing”, I told myself. Each juice was to be had at two-hour intervals between its other juice brothers and sisters. I was living it up until I hit juice three. We don’t like to speak about juice three, because that’s when my optimism flew straight out the window and the horrific and painful reality of what it means to only drink juice all day set in. It was sour, my stomach was churning, I felt nauseous, various segments of my life all involving sweet sweet food came to mind with every sip. The horror, the sheer audacity of it all. I still had three more to go?!? With my last sip of juice three, I realized that If I wasn’t dead by the end of this, I had superpowers that entailed incredible juice drinking abilities.

As the day went on, various demons within reared their ugly heads. The food devil was so strong that I was halfway down the street on the way to get a burger until the fog lifted around me and I had to state my name, date of birth and address in order to remember who I was and why I was in the middle of nowhere. My roommate came in with Hot Cheetos and I had to instruct her to restrain me so I didn’t assault her for them. Thankfully no one was harmed during the entirety of the cleanse, at least that I can remember. I think I blacked out at some point. By the end of the day, I had successfully finished all six juices but felt so nauseous that I imagined my stomach was a concert arena, and there was definitely a heavy metal band playing, and there was definitly a mosh pit. I went to bed at 7 and prayed for the day from hell to end.



Part 3: The Aftermath. Claudia Schiffer, Is that you?

Thank God I woke up the next day. That was a close one. Could have easily withered away in my sleep. I got out of bed and looked in the mirror. Unfortunately, it was still just me, but hot damn I looked skinny! “Hmmm maybe it was worth it”’ I thought. LMAO, JUST KIDDING! As soon as I sniffed my breakfast, my stomach immediately blopped out over my jeans and I shed a single tear. As far as energy went, I was a walking zombie, so the usual. Nothing new there. Maybe my skin was clearer than usual the next few days? But that’s a huge maybe. I could have easily fabricated that in my head just to make myself feel better. I felt the same as I usually would in the next coming week, not bad but certainly not as thrilled as Billy Mays once was selling Oxy Clean. (That was my goal.) Moral of the story, the only thing I really gained from doing this cleanse was the ability to say I made it through a juice cleanse without cheating and prove my questionable willpower to myself. Thank God I didn’t pick the experienced cleanse over the basic cleanse. The endorphins get going and I simply can’t be trusted to make rational decisions. I just get way too excited. Oh, I also learned I’m not a sadist because of my choice to do the basic cleanse, so that’s pretty great. One more fun fact to tell people at parties. “Hey Tommy, did you know that I’m not a sadist? You too? Cool! We should totally hang out sometime!”

About two months after I did the cleanse I went to Pressed for ice cream, you obviously won’t be seeing me there for anything else ever again. Me being the lonely, social interaction lacking person I am, I tried to strike up a convo with one of the people working there and asked if they’d ever done a cleanse. When they replied yes, I couldn’t wait to relate our struggles. Cleanse buddies!! Instead, they went on to say that they had done a week-long cleanse and thought that it was easy. I was horrified, disgusted, to say the least. You foul human, you. Who are you? What are you?  After, one of the most fabulous, “I’m very obviously incredibly wealthy” women walked over to me while my mouth was still agape trying to process what I had just heard and said, “Those cleanses are hell, I almost died on a One Day.” Needless to say, my faith in humanity was immediately restored. If this moment was a bell curve, the superhuman freak behind the Pressed counter would be way outside of me and my new rich best friend’s cool kid curve. So take that. Also, I realized that because of this, I had more in common with the skinny, glowing, fabulously wealthy and thankfully honest lady than I could have ever imagined. If I had to do a soul-sucking cleanse to realize this, then It was all worth it in the end.

Keep it real,